Everyone Hates Guy
by Artemis Elric
Summary: The totally insane sequel to Everyone Loves Luke. Luke is still loved, Guy is now hated, and the God Generals continue their quest to rid the world of homosexuals. LukexEveryone, but mostly GuyxLuke.


A/N: This is the sequel to the fanfiction Everyone Loves Luke. You don't necessarily _have_ to read that one to get this, but it helps. I started this over a year ago, and wrote the second half just now… so if the styles are different, sorry! Know that I only make fun of these characters because I love them. 3 Oh, and also… Mieu is visiting his relatives in the Cheagle Woods, which is why he isn't in this story. (Or he was finally eaten by a liger. Take your pick. =3)

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Everyone Hates Guy

--

"You're a real bastard, Jade," Luke informed him.

Jade spread his hands innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Guy ran past them, screaming. There was a pause, then Anise, Tear, Natalia, and Ion thundered after him, howling with rage.

Luke turned to glare at Jade.

Jade shrugged. "They do seem a bit upset, I suppose," he admitted, watching them hurtle into the wall as they tried to round the corner.

"A _bit_? I could feel the bloodlust radiating off them in _waves_!"

"Could you?" Jade bent down and picked up a kunai. "Oh, one of them must have dropped this. It's no wonder; they were carrying so many..."

The colonel nodded a good-bye to Luke, then sauntered off down the hall.

Luke could only shake his head. _I'd like to go help Guy… but then they'd hate him even more._

But even that concern was overshadowed at the moment.

Taking a nervous breath, Luke went to find Master Van.

--

Guy twitched.

He wondered if Luke would look for him. Maybe spare a couple of Apple Gels.

Silence. He thought he heard footsteps in the distance, echoing on the tiled floor.

He wished he could move his arms. The arrow in his side was really starting to get annoying.

A shadow fell over him.

_Luke?_

But this shadow was too big to be Luke.

"Hello, Guy."

Guy meant to growl, but it came out as more of a whimper.

"I'll heal you, but I require something in return. I trust you'll cooperate."

Guy could do nothing but lie there and bleed.

--

_Where is Master Van?_ Luke wondered, peering into his room for the third time. _He said he'd be here! _

He swallowed. _I was never uneasy about seeing him before… I feel sore already._

"Luke! Welcome back!"

He spun around. "H-hi, Master Van!"

Van strode past him into the room, and Luke obediently followed.

"It's good to see you again, Luke," the older man said gruffly. "How's your head been?"

"Oh… fine, actually," Luke noted with some surprise. "It hasn't itched for a while."

"Good. You're getting stronger." Van cleared his throat. "I… have a present for you, Luke."

Luke blinked. "A… present?"

Master Van nodded, then pulled a small box out of his pocket. It was tied with a bright red bow.

"Hey, cool!" Luke grabbed it and tore off the ribbon. "Thanks, Master Van!"

He opened it.

There was a pause.

"Um. Handcuffs?"

Van immediately snatched it back. "Oh. Wrong pocket." He quickly came up with a second present, looking very much like the first. "Here it is."

Luke took it and warily peered inside.

His present looked very familiar.

"Master Van? How did you get Guy's necklace?"

"It's a _collar_," Van explained, ignoring Luke's question. "And it's yours."

"B-but it's—"

"I gave it to you. That makes it yours." Master Van rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "Now put it on."

"It's not—"

"PUT IT ON."

"… okay."

--

Far, far away, in a small, peaceful village in the mountains, a middle-aged man with a handlebar mustache cowered in his living room, watching with wide eyes as his pursuers slowly advanced toward him.

"_You have one last chance to confess_."

"I-I'm not!" he stammered. "Really! Leave me alone!"

One of _them_, wearing a beak-like mask that completely covered his face, strode out of the man's bedroom and spoke solemnly to the others. "_I found sparkly tights in his closet, and look what was in his drawer_."

He held up the damning evidence for all to see.

There was a collective gasp.

"N-no!" the man cried. "I-it's not mine! It's… lotion! For my wife!"

"_It's no use," _the large man rumbled._ "Your boyfriend ratted you out_."

"_What_? But Greg would _never_—oh. … Damn."

--

"Um. Guy?" Luke spoke in a loud whisper, knocking on his door as quietly as he could. "Guy? You awake?"

There was a long pause, then footsteps sounded from inside, and the door opened slowly.

"Luke." Guy didn't seem to be as enthused to see him as Luke had thought he would. "What are you doing? It's the middle of the night..."

He trailed off. _Hmm… well, I _was_ mad at him, but if he wants to…_apologize_… I suppose I should let him._

"I know, I know," Luke sighed. "But I just thought I should apologize for not helping you earlier..."

_Yes_, thought Guy eagerly. _Go ahead..._ But something seemed a bit different about Luke… something that wasn't there before...

"_Hey_!" Guy pointed a trembling finger at Luke's neck.

Luke frowned. "What?"

"M-my necklace! How'd you get that?!"

"Oh…." Luke averted his gaze nervously. "Um… actually…."

Guy's eyes narrowed. "Van gave it to you, didn't he." It wasn't a question, but Guy seemed to be waiting for an answer.

Luke shifted uneasily under that intense gaze. "Um... I-I didn't have a choice..."

Guy laughed, harshly.

"A-and… besides… how did he get it in the first place?" Luke stammered, risking a glance up at the blond.

He hadn't thought Guy's expression could get any colder. "You should know," he said sharply. "How does he get what he wants from _you_?"

Luke flinched. "But… th-that's just me… he wouldn't… Master Van wouldn't—"

"Whatever." Guy turned away. "It's the middle of the night. Go back to Van's bed."

"No, wait!" Luke called out anxiously. "Y-you can have the necklace back! I don't want it!"

"Forget about it. Keep the damn necklace."

The door swung closed.

A few minutes later, Luke returned to his room, aching in more ways than one.

--

"Morning, everyone," Luke mumbled as he walked into the main dining hall where the rest of the party was eating breakfast.

Tear glanced up. "Oh, you're finally..." She trailed off. "Luke. _What_ is that you're wearing?"

The others looked up at him.

Luke swallowed, a guilty expression creeping onto his face. He hadn't meant to wear it, nor did he want to… but Van had been waiting outside the door when he got up, and there had been no question about wearing the collar after that. Er, necklace.

"Um…" He looked helplessly at Guy, who only stared at him coldly before continuing to eat. "Actually…"

"Guy gave it to you, didn't he?" Natalia interrupted sharply. "He _forced_ you to wear it."

"How terrible!" Anise exclaimed furiously. "Take it off!"  
"Gladly," Luke muttered, and quickly removed the necklace. He stared at the ground nervously.

"See?" Anise declared scathingly. "He doesn't love _you_, Guy. Luke's straight. He'll never love _you_!"

Guy stood abruptly. His expression was emotionless. "I can see that," he said, turning and striding stiffly toward the door.

That is, until Anise stuck out her foot and tripped him.

His face now bright red, Guy scrambled to his feet, then accidentally ran into Luke, who'd been edging toward the door. Luke caught a brief glimpse of the expression on Guy's face before the blond stumbled out of the room; he caught at the door handle and leaned against it as he heard Guy's rapidly fading footsteps on the other side.

"Hey, Luke?" Tear asked from behind him. "Are you… all right?"

He turned his face farther away from them. "I'm fine. Leave me alone." Then he walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.

--

Luke sat in his room, staring at the floor.

Tear and Jade each peered at him through the keyhole in the door, then withdrew to the small library down the hall.

"Is it just me," Tear began uncertainly, "or has Luke been acting a lot more… depressed than usual?"

"He _does_ seem a bit upset, doesn't he?" Jade agreed amiably.

"You didn't have anything to do with this, did you?" Tear asked suspiciously.

Jade raised an eyebrow. "Me?" he repeated, sounding hurt. "Why would I? _I_ certainly don't have any reason to interfere."

"True." Tear was silent for a moment. "Well, whoever's behind this, they did a good job." She smiled. "Guy won't talk to Luke, and Luke needs someone to make him feel better. A perfect opportunity!"

Jade chuckled. "You can be positively _evil_ when you want to, Tear. Taking advantage of a helpless boy like that."

"Oh, he's not that helpless." Tear turned to leave.

"You're sure you don't feel even a little bit of remorse? Guy is upset too, you know."

Tear hesitated, then shrugged. "He'll get over it."

Just then, a knock sounded at the door. "Come in," Jade called out lazily. The door opened to reveal Ion, who stepped inside nervously.

Tear sighed. "Yes, Ion?"

Ion glanced at Jade. "Um… a messenger came from Malkuth. Emperor Peony wishes to see you, Jade."

The colonel rolled his eyes. "What, now? It can hardly be that urgent. I am not going to go all the way to Malkuth just to see that rappig-obsessed man. If he wants to see me that badly, he can come here."

Ion nodded. "I'll tell him."

When Ion left, Tear decided to go, too, saying that she had to go practice her fonic artes. Jade was left alone, and he chuckled to himself softly. "Oh, Luke," he sighed. "It's a good thing I don't like you. Otherwise this competition would be no fun at all."

"Because you'd win?" asked Van, stepping out of the shadows.

Jade blinked; the only evidence he gave of his surprise. "Where have you been?"

Van grinned. "Paying a visit to the God-Generals."

Jade smirked. "Very funny. You do know that your precious student is currently being fought over by just about everyone?"

Van raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

--

On his way down the hall, Ion passed by the closed door to Luke's room, and paused. He couldn't stand the way Luke had been treated at breakfast, even if he had been wearing… Ion slowly unclenched his fists, trying not to think about it. But Luke was obviously heartbroken, and he'd overheard Tear planning to take advantage of it. That was wrong. Ion's eyes narrowed. He couldn't let that happen.

He had to help Luke forget about Guy. Then, maybe he'd finally have a chance.

((A/N: I love how to Tear, it's "taking advantage of", and to Ion, it's "helping". xD))

Luke glanced up as a soft knock sounded on the door, which then opened tentatively. "Ion?" he said in surprise as the young Fon Master entered the room.

Ion smiled at him shyly. "I just thought maybe you wanted some company."

Luke couldn't help but smile back… Ion was just too cute, damn it. "Well… sure."

Ion went to sit by him, swinging his little girly legs over the edge of the bed with his adorable girly smile on his girly face and blushing his girly blush. _Heck_, Luke thought, watching him, _I could go for Ion. And the good thing about Ion is, I could get together with him and still be considered straight!_

Outside, a pair of turquoise eyes identical to Luke's narrowed as they gazed in through the window. By the time Luke glanced over, though, they were gone.

Luke returned his gaze to Ion, who had been surveying the room amiably. When Ion noticed Luke looking, he smiled cutely and said, "So, what do you want to do?"

Luke's face reddened unexpectedly. Sure, Ion was cute, but cute in the way that a porcelain doll is cute: you can play with it and hug it if you're careful, but the second you manhandle it, it breaks. And besides, it wasn't supposed to be him that did the doing. Frankly, Luke didn't think he had it in him to be on top.

"I know!" Ion exclaimed suddenly.

Luke eyed him warily. "… What?"

"We can play house!"

Luke sweatdropped. The fact that Ion was quite a few years younger than him didn't help, either.

--

The God-Generals stared as Asch relayed his information.

"You're sure?" Legretta said slowly. "Guy… _and_ Ion… _and_ Luke?"

Asch nodded. "I'm not sure about Luke, actually. But the others are for sure, and Luke's a dreck, so…" He shrugged. "Do what you want."

"Perfect," Sync grinned. "Time to make our move."

"Hey Asch," Arietta spoke up suddenly, "if Luke does turn out to be one of them, and he's your replica…."

"Yes," Largo rumbled suspiciously, "Would it not be true that you, too, are…"

Asch stared at them. "Me? N-no way! I'm sure that has nothing to do with it! And besides, I said I didn't think he was, anyway."

Sync raised an eyebrow, not that anyone could tell with the mask he wore. "You sure? I wouldn't be surprised if it was true, Asch."

"Yeah," Legretta agreed. "It would certainly explain why you're so…"

"Unlikable?" Arietta suggested. "Annoying?"

"Hey!" Asch burst out, face red. "I'm the same as you, you don't have any right to—"

"We don't have replicas," Largo pointed out.

Sync cleared his throat uneasily, with a mumble that sounded faintly like _Ion_. Asch looked triumphant.

"Yes, well, you're different," Legretta consoled him, patting Sync on the shoulder comfortingly.

Asch gaped, too furious to speak.

--

Guy cowered in a corner of his room as Anise and Natalia yelled at him for being mean to Luke.

"D-don't come any closer!" he pleaded as they moved forward menacingly.

"I'll bet that's what _Luke_ said when you forced the necklace on him!" Anise shouted. "What else did you force on him, huh?"

"I _told_ you, I didn't give it to him!" he squealed, pressing himself as far back into the corner as he could. "If you'd just listen—"

Natalia glowered at him. "All right, then," she snapped, "who did?"

Guy glanced at the open doorway nervously. "It was—"

Perfectly on cue, Van stepped into the room, directing a meaningful look his way. "Hello, Princess, Anise, Guy." Guy let out a whimper and sank to the ground.

"Nothing," he said.

He wanted Luke back. Badly.

--

Tear hesitated outside Luke's room. But only for a moment.

Grabbing the handle, she strode into the room, only to stop in shock when she saw the _Fon Master_, of all people, seated on the floor with Luke fon Fabre, wearing a dress and using an EasyBake Oven™.

"_Ion_!" she gasped, at a loss for words. Something told her she shouldn't have been surprised, but still.

Ion glanced up and his eyes narrowed. "Sorry," he said in his deceptively gentle tone. "This room is off-limits for anyone but my husband and I."

Luke looked up as well, and there was a hint of an apology in his eyes. "We're playing house," he explained. "He… she's… Ion's making brownies."

Tear just stared at the two of them, at a loss for words. Suddenly, she didn't have it in her to try to drag Luke away. "Never mind," she muttered, leaving the way she came. If he was happy pretending he was married to a cross-dressing little gay boy, she didn't have the heart to stop him.

--

The day the God Generals reached the Fon Fabre manor in Baticul was a deceptively nice one; the sun shone brightly on the empty courtyard and Pere the gardener, who was off to one side pruning and sculpting the bushes into exotic shapes. The only hint of the disorder to come was evident in the main hall, where Jade was trying to get the rest of the party to talk to each other. Or more likely he was trying to stir things up.

"This is stupid," Luke muttered for what had to be the tenth time without meeting anyone's gaze. "I'm leaving."

"No," said Jade, also for the tenth time. "We have to work things out. We're all civilized, it can't be that hard."

"Booo," Anise pouted. "You just want one of us to yourself and you don't like Luke getting in the way!"

Jade chuckled. "If you say so."

Tear shifted her weight from one foot to the other, then back again. She'd said that she was going to take advantage of Luke, but when it came down to it… she and Natalia shared a look of frustration. This had started out fun, but apparently they'd underestimated Luke's emotional capability once again. The normally stoic young man looked so forlorn that they almost felt bad for the things they'd said and done earlier.

Guy stood as far from the rest of the crowd as he could, every once in a while shooting glances at Luke. Ion stood close to him, every so often reaching for the redhead's hand… but Luke moved his own just out of reach, and Ion didn't push it. Guy felt his heart ache at the lonely look Luke wore, and wished that it hadn't been his fault. But it was, and as if he'd read Guy's thoughts, he looked over at the blond uneasily, blushing when he noticed Guy staring back. Luke's expression was strangely apologetic, but he didn't look away.

"_Ahem_," Jade cleared his throat meaningfully. "Now if you could all pay attention to—"

And then the God Generals attacked.

They burst through the front door (except for Sync, who, in a spur-of-the-moment decision, made a dramatic entrance through one of the stained-glass windows), all howling their war cry:

"THEY'RE GAY! GET THEM!"

The assembled all turned to stare at them, uncomprehending, and this lack of a reaction caused the God-Generals to pull up short and stare at them.

"Excuse me?" Natalia spoke up regally. "_What_ did you just call us?"

"Gay," Arietta said bluntly. "And you'll pay for it."

"What! We're not… we're not _gay_!" Anise protested, outraged. "Well… at least, most of us aren't!"

"Sure," Legretta sneered. "This is like a nest of gays." ((a gay nest, lol))

"I-it's not!" Tear stammered. "Really!"

And then Peony burst through the front door. "Hey there, Jade, you sexy beast!"

There was a long pause, during which the king's five most beloved rappigs darted through the doorway and immediately got lost in the manor (enter bathing suit sidequest).

Then Largo pointed at Luke, Guy, Ion, and now Jade and Peony. "Whatever," he said. "Asch. Kill them."

Asch glared at the older man. "Why _me_?" he hissed. "Why does everything have to be about me?"

"Does there have to be a reason?"

"Yes!"

"Well…" Largo rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I don't really know why. It's just that, you know. You're _Asch_."

The rest of the God-Generals all looked at each other and nodded and murmured their agreement.

Asch stared at them with a growing sense of loathing. "It's not even because you thought I was gay!?" he exclaimed furiously. "That's ridiculous! I mean… if it doesn't matter… then nothing I do will make any difference—!" His eyes were wide and manic, now. "It doesn't matter! I can be… I can be gay if I want to! I CAN BE GAY!"

And Asch spun across the floor to Luke, who flinched away from the crazy original. "Luke! I never told you before… mostly because I was trying to kill you… but I think you're really sexy!" More silence greeted this announcement, during which Luke tried to inch away, but Asch was not to be dissuaded. "I've always thought so, and now I can finally say it! I think you're sexy! I _must_ be gay!"

Jade rubbed his forehead with one hand, trying hard not to laugh. "No, Asch. This just means that you're incredibly, _incredibly_ vain."

"Although that wasn't always the case," came a familiar deep voice from off to one side. Everyone turned to face Van, who strode confidently into the hall. "You had your guilty pleasures, once." He shot a quick glance at the others, his gaze lingering on two of them. "I'm sure all of you do."

Luke, standing there in the midst of all this confusion, suddenly felt angry. Really, really angry. Not only did Master Van have the nerve to ruin their lives, he couldn't even leave their _enemies_ alone?

Luke reached into his pocket and withdrew the object that had started all of this: Guy's necklace. "Forget it, Van!" he shouted, throwing it over to Guy, who, surprised, tried to catch it and missed. "I'M NOT GOING TO BE YOUR BITCH!"

The silence that followed _this_ little nugget of information was once of the deepest, most unnerving yet.

Then Largo stepped forward and rested a large hand on Asch's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Sync nodded. "Yeah, man. We didn't know. You really ought to tell us more about your past, Asch."

Asch opened his mouth indignantly, then closed it again. He forced a grin. "All right then, guys. You ready?"

"Ready." They turned on Van, who for the first time looked just a little bit scared.

"HE'S GAY! GET HIM!"

Master Van shrieked like a girl and ran off, while the God-Generals chased him out of the manor and out of Baticul.

There had been a lot of awkward silences in the past five minutes, but this one was the most hopeful. Luke turned to Guy. "Guy…" he began nervously.

Suddenly Guy threw himself at the redhead with tears in his eyes. "Luke!" he sobbed. "I'm sorry! I missed you!"

Luke noticed that Guy had once more fastened the collar… necklace… around his throat. He smiled. "I missed you, too."

The girls and Ion looked at each other and sighed.

Then there came a strange rustling sound as King Peony, bent over one of his rappigs, pulled a roll of paper towel out of his king-sized pockets. The others stared at him, and he grinned apologetically. "Sorry about that. Jade just peed in a corner."

Fin


End file.
